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Why Can’t We All Get Along?

Someone recently asked me why so many moms tend to pass judgment against other moms? Sadly I had to agree with them. In a role where so many people, our children, our spouses, friends, family and bosses, are tugging at us, why is it that other moms are sometimes the most critical people in our lives? Moms should all be supporting other moms. Plain and simple. We should accept the decisions we each make for our family and our children. Instead it seems like a woman gives birth or as I did receives a child in her life and suddenly her standards, values and beliefs become the standard for which she judges everyone else. Now, I shouldn’t be so general as to say this is the case with every mom, but it certainly is the case with some moms. It used to be that the issue of work brought out the worse in moms but fortunately today’s moms have redefined work in a way that is so grey that even the most traditional stay at home mother is generating some type of income while raising her children at home. Unfortunately the issue of feeding our babies still creates a vicious divide among moms. I think we all know that breast milk is best however why can’t moms accept that some moms for whatever reason choose not to breastfeed their babies. Why can’t these non-breastfeeding moms feel okay that they made the choice that best fits their family situation and know that they aren’t going to be guilt-ed by moms who feel that every baby should be breast fed? Some moms have careers that prevent them from breastfeeding, some moms like myself adopt their babies and choose not to stimulate their breasts to produce milk, some feel uncomfortable with the experience and some just decide it’s too difficult. Should any of these women be faulted for making a choice that they feel fits the needs, style and values of their family? We allow women to make a choice about their pregnancy yet we insult each other about the choices we make in feeding the fetus we choose to keep. If we are going to be pro-choice then let’s be pro-choice in our feeding decisions, our career choices, our marriage arrangements and discipline styles. I remember how sad I felt the day another mom stopped in a mall to criticize me for bottle feeding my daughter. There I innocently sat 6 months pregnant with my son while feeding my 3 month old daughter who I had adopted. I looked at her and explained that my daughter was adopted even though it was none of her business. And I’ll never forget when she replied, “that’s no excuse, you could have stimulated your breast milk.” As she walked away I remember thinking that this woman had no idea what my family life required of me or how I didn’t want to differentiate my two babies once my second was born. It was my choice and she didn’t like it. The reason for my thought is that I recently saw a new campaign against non-breastfeeding moms. A group of moms have decided that new mothers should not be able to receive those bags the hospital gives out with coupons, promotional items and formula samples. According to these mothers, the samples make it easy for moms who are on the fence with breastfeeding to give up and turn to formula. So they have started a campaign called, “Ban the Bag!” To be honest with you, I receive coffee samples all the time in my hotel rooms, but it doesn’t make me drink coffee. I receive all types of samples but I am adult enough to decide which I’ll use and which I won’t. Why is it that these moms don’t think other moms are capable of receiving samples and making the decision on how they are going to feed their baby on their own? If they want to be so involved in how I raise my children perhaps they’d like to come over to clean up vomit in the middle of the night or walk the halls at 2am with me? The sad thing is that most of the moms who who decide to formula feed are probably the moms who benefit the most from the discount coupons, promotional items and free samples in those hospital bags- single moms working two job for instance.

Moms who know me know that I rarely take a strong stand on anything related to motherhood except for the fact that I strongly respect the four lives that were given to me in my children and respect the hard work it takes to be a mother. I may not agree with everything you do as mom but I assume you are doing what you think is in the best interest of your family. Moms need moms to support each other as much as we need the rest of the world to respect the job we do.


2 Responses

  1. I couldn’t agree more. Very well said! I would have wanted to run after =
    that obnoxious lady who had the nerve to comment on how you chose to =
    feed your baby. I breast fed my son for about 13 months and I received =
    plenty of comments on “when I was going to stop already”.=20

  2. I am a stay at home mom. And I need some simple work to do on the =
    computer. And get a paychaeck on a weekly basis. Are there any stuffing =
    envolopes jobs out there avalilable?

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